Roots of Depression

What is it about achieving goals that leads to bouts of depression? At least for me. Generally I would suppose that setting a goal, working toward it, following through and accomplishment would promote overall mental health. But why then, after a bout of initial euphoria, I find myself sliding down that dark slippery slope. The downward spiral.

I find myself sitting on my porch this evening. A beautiful, cool early summer night, filled with anxiety. My mind wanders about searching for intangible problems. There’s the car that is being repaired. The plans for the kids summer. But all in all these things all have solutions in time. Worrying. Anxiety. I know these are not solutions, yet I troll for those things that I realize will throw me into the dark. I have respect for the dark. I know much of my creativity comes from there. Most of my strength is locked in there too. Perhaps I do that in hopes that by visiting the dark, I will tend to those valuable parts of myself. The problem is of course, that when I go there, I find myself immobilized by fear or dread. I allow the anxiety to be the focus rather than the visit to the dark be the focal point.

No real solutions I suppose. The simplistic answer is of course to embrace all of myself…you know, the light can’t survive without the dark and vice versa. Problem is that this is not nearly as easy or practical as it sounds. For one thing, I have no real idea how to embrace my shadow. Oh sure I can go up to it and say “Hiya Shadow, sorry about all the denial and all, lets be pals!” Then go out for a coke and catch a movie. But for some reason that never seems to do the trick. Oh well. I spose this is the best I’ve got right now…Robert Bly tackles this issue better:

The Night Abraham Called to the Stars

Do you remember the night Abraham first saw
The stars? He cried to Saturn: “You are my Lord!”
How happy he was! When he saw the Dawn Star,

He cried, “”You are my Lord!” How destroyed he was
When he watched them set. Friends, he is like us:
We take as our Lord the stars that go down.

We are faithful companions to the unfaithful stars.
We are diggers, like badgers; we love to feel
The dirt flying out from behind our back claws.

And no one can convince us that mud is not
Beautiful. It is our badger soul that thinks so.
We are ready to spend the rest of our life

Walking with muddy shoes in the wet fields.
We resemble exiles in the kingdom of the serpent.
We stand in the onion fields looking up at the night.

My heart is a calm potato by day, and a weeping
Abandoned woman by night. Friend, tell me what to do,
Since I am a man in love with the setting stars.

Devotchka Delivers

November 30, 2006. Listening to The Current, the Minnesota Public Radio station that has maybe some of the best play lists in the country. Some of the best in studio performances. And I’m listening to an interview/in-studio performance by some guys who call themselves “Devotchka“. Nick Urata and Tom Hagerman were in an interview with Mary Lucia talking about their roadwearieness after their two days on the road. : )

Then Nick launched into a beautiful, quirky rendition of “Something Stupid” with Tom sidling over and joining in like a table-side violinist in an old Italian restaurant. Just as Columbus had ‘discovered’ America, I had ‘discovered’ Devotchka.

Then it was “Queen of the Surface Streets”, over and over and over on my car cd player. “We’re Leaving”, “Venus in Furs”, “How it Ends” over and over and over again. It was like I’d been missing a vital element of my diet and now was filling up. Getting the nutrition my body had desperatley needed.

May 24, 2008. The Slowdown, Omaha, Nebraska. Born in the Flood, Basia Bulat.

Both provided an excellent start to the evening. Bulat was especially intriguing. What a voice…and sporting a wonderful contingent of a cellist, violist, drum & uke, with her on the auto-harp, she could easily have headlined the night. Her rendition of Daniel Johnston’s “True Love Will Find You in the End” was fantastic. You can hear a beautiful recording of it on the Daytrotter site.

Following an extensive set change, which included setting up a theremin, a beautiful woman crossed the stage, tossing flowers to the audience. Followed closely by Nick Urata, Tom Hagerman, Jeanie Schroder, and Shawn King, the night had just begun.

And what a night it would prove to be.

How perfect can a live show be? Devotchka may have set the standard for perfect preparation coupled with an emotionally intense delivery. The quality of the music of course would never be in dispute, but translating that complexity to a live stage is without doubt a challenge.

Each and every musician was fully accountable and delivered with a controlled ferocity that had me enthralled and overjoyed.

There’s only one recommendation I can make: See this band whenever you have the chance. Buy all the music they have available.

Devotchka-I Can’t Believe I’ll See These Guys in TWO DAYS!

On Saturday May 24th Devotchka will be performing at the Slowdown in Omaha. And I’ll be right up front baby! This show is gonna rock hard. I’ll be sure to issue a full report right here…but in the meantime here they are at SXSW doing “Queen of the Surface Streets”

Of Rockabilly, Finches and Meaning

Meaning Part 1

I’m riding in to work on the bus today and looking around me. Looking at myself. Rainy day, so I’m a bit introspective. This could get ugly. But I look around and I think to myself that every single person on that bus including me was a newborn baby at one time. We hold this thing in common. At one point in each of our lives we were all completely new. Completely vulnerable. Completely considered a miracle. What an extraordinary thing to have in common.

Rockabilly

I have got to talk more about Southern Culture on the Skids on this web site. I just listened to their “Doublewide & Live” cd this morning for the millionth time, and each time I’m knocked over. This is rockabilly of the finest order. You will hear none better anywhere any time. Words just are inadequate to describe them, so just listen to ‘em. Start out with anything and you will be hooked. Oh, and their web site includes recipes. So, if you don’t know what to cook tonite for dinner they can help you out there too.

Finches

Another group to check out is Darwin’s Finches out of Galveston Texas. They’ve been good friends to me through Myspace and we’ve been exchanging songs and CDs. They sport smart, quirky lyrics backed by nice hard hitting southern rock ‘n roll. My favorite is “Shoefly Pie”. Nice. Like Black Crowes, but a bit smokier. And a bit smarter I think.

On My Knees – Begging

Rag & Bone. Could Jack & Meg be any cuter? Check it out and you be the judge. Here’s my plea to the White Stripes to tour again. Pleeeeeeaaaase???

Meaning Part 2

One last bit of dixie cup philosophy on this rainy day. Meaning is meaningless. It is the thing that each of us applies to what we observe. We invent meaning countless times every day. If my bus is late it could be a bad thing because I’m late to work or it could be a good thing because I’ve had the opportunity to relax since there is nothing else to do. Rationalization? Perhaps. But things just happen as a course of events throughout the day, completely independent of who we are, what we believe, or what we do. Is it any more realistic to believe good or bad things happen to us because a deity decides we deserve it? Our actions may make us more or less open to observing reality, but in the end if we step off of a curb and a car hits us it has no more meaning than if we step off the same curb and notice a $20 bill in the crosswalk. The results are different of course, but it means no more and no less about who we are or what we deserve.

In “Quirkology” Richard Wiseman describes an experiment to examine the nature of good luck and bad luck. Two groups of people are chosen. One group considers themselves to be lucky and of course a second group considers itself unlucky. Both groups are to read a series of articles and then are interviewed about what they read. Placed within the reading assignment is a statement to effect of “Please mention that you read this segment when you are interviewed and receive $100.” Now remember, both groups have exactly the same reading material, time to read it, same post-reading interview, etc. The lucky group was found to be much more likely to mention the $100 than the unlucky group. Sometimes it is just how we observe life that determines what we get from it. Our own perceptions are often the roadmaps by which we travel through this life. Now, we all have different backgrounds, different options available, different opportunities and a multitude of other factors that can make our lives more or less difficult, but perhaps by removing an immediate attachment of meaning to things we can give ourselves a chance to breathe a bit. To let life soak in and allow us to more gently pursue our path. Take ourselves out of the equation for a moment and be part of this wonderful, meaningless world.

Open Mic? Hell Yeah!

New Year’s resolutions suck. Losing weight, quitting smoking, finding a new job. This practice of resolving is just one of those cruel holiday tricks designed to set you up for next year when you look back over the previous 12 months with regret over all that has been left undone. All the days that have been squandered.

 

Until this year.

 

Yes my friends, it is May 21, 2008 and I, Fence Flatley have met my most ambitious goal of the year. Last night, eleven hours ago, guitar in hand, I stepped up onto the stage at Mick’s in Omaha and performed in my first open mic.

 

Graphic: Clock with second and minute hands twirling counter-clockwise indicating going back in time

 

The neighborhood of Benson in Omaha is hands down one of the kickiest places I know. In about a six block stretch on Maple Street you can hear some of the best music around for next to nothing. No Ticket Master here baby! The Waiting Room http://www.waitingroomlounge.com/ books great acts like The Von Bondies, The Black Lips, Times New Vikings and The Whigs. The Pizza Shoppe www.myspace.com/pscollective not only has some of the best pizza in town (duh-it’s the Pizza Shoppe dude) but nice local acts and some fine touring groups. There’s a nice coffee shop with the occasional folk singer. And then there’s Mick’s http://www.micksomaha.com/. Renovated in 2003, opened in 2004 this former mortuary that later became the Musette bar and then Mick’s is one of the best places in Omaha for live acoustic music. Jolie Holland’s been there. Johnny Dowd, Sarah Benck, Matt Whipkey, and on and on. And now Fence Flatley. Mick’s is without a doubt one of the friendliest places you could hope to go for an open mic. The crowd is divided up into those just out for a good time and those who really want to hear some music, so for a first timer like me it would a nice mix. I mean, I’m not quite ready for my audience to be paying attention to every word and note. Too much pressure! And the cool thing is, not only was it an open mic night, but we open mic’ers were essentially the opening acts for some national touring artists who would play later in the evening. One of the performers, Laura Meyer http://www.laurameyer.net/ out of New York was amazing. Great songwriting and beautiful voice, but most impressive was a truly outstanding command of her guitar. Such clear tone, so well articulated – skillfully incorporating styles from Americana to Mississippi blues into her own unique musical language. Marvelous! I bought a couple of her CDs, Four Corners and Boys & Eros. Of the two I’m drawn to Four Corners simply because it’s just her and her guitar. Like she’s sitting on your couch and playing some songs just for you. Check her out. You’ll be glad you did!

 

But back to me. J

 

So, I’ve been thinking all year about when I would do my first open mic. What venue? A coffee shop? I used to frequent the weekly open mic’s at 13^th Street Coffee, but I don’t think those are happening anymore. But I kept coming back to Mick’s. A real, professional venue. Could I actually do that? Could I go someplace where people actually went to listen to music? Where that was their priority. My strategy was to go to a few of their open mics. Acclimate myself to the vibe, to the venue. Decided if I would be able to carry it off it I decided to go forward with a performance.

 

Of course weeks passed and I’d find myself going back to their web site. Oh, hmmm, yes they still do the open mic on Tuesdays. Isn’t that interesting…hmmmm. So yesterday I decided I’d check it out. And, why not bring my guitar…just in case. And set a play list. Just in case. And do a quick run through of a set a home. Just in case.

 

I got to Mick’s at 8:30 last night. There was a cluster of people at the bar, drinking and having a nice casual time. I saw a few guitar cases laying around, so I knew that there would be some people getting up there. Brian the bartender, who also acted as the open mic organizer brought me my first Nebraska Nut Brown Ale of the night and asked me my name. I replied, “Fence”. “Are you planning on playing tonight?” “Yes” says my disembodied voice. What?!?

 

Turns out there were these national touring acts that night and Brian told me we would have to squeeze open mics into the beginning. Maybe start a bit early if that was cool. Gulp. I took that to mean he wanted me to play first. And soon. “Yes, that’s cool” says the disembodied voice. “Cool” Brian agrees. I purchase my second Nut Brown Ale of the night and Dane, the sound technician starts setting me up with a mic for my guitar and for my vocals. I learn that I’ve got about 15 or 20 minutes, so I clip down my original 7 song set to 4 and retune my guitar. Dane sets me up really well. He doesn’t know it, but behind my reasonably calm exterior I am clinging to him like he’s a life jacket and I’ve just jumped off the Titanic. He gives me the okay, and I start off with “Octopus’ Garden”. This is one of the first songs I ever learned to play on the guitar. Its one I used to play for my sons when I put them to bed when they were babies. It falls well for my fingers and voice and I know that this will give me a chance to feel the pace of my playing even as the adrenalin pumps into every part of my body. It goes well. I make a stretch for some higher notes and hit them well enough to satisfy me. It’s on! I complete the song to a polite smattering of applause. No eggs or rotten tomatoes have been thrown and I do not have a single twinge of self-loathing. Excellent.

 

Next up I put on my neck holster for my harmonica and launch into Daniel Johnston’s “True Love Will Find You in the End”. This one always feels good to play. Just a real easy, simple, beautiful, perfect song. Again, I make it through without incident, and even a couple legitimate moments.

 

Now its time for some original music. I go for “Folk Punk Baby”. Up until that point I wanted people to know that, although I have an unusual voice, I can carry a tune and sing with some facility. Now it was time to crank it out and give ‘em a taste of the folk punk Fence. Now, I let it cut loose and blew a few notes, missed a chord or two and whiffed at a few entrances. But through it all I kept it rolling and I found myself pleased at the result. Sweat was cascading from my forehead at that point and I felt good. Real good.

 

I closed out with “Too Late”. I’m pretty sure I left out a verse, but I persevered and nobody was the wiser I’m sure.

 

Note: If you want to hear any of my music click on the One Inch From Midget Link on this page.

 

I left the stage tired and happy. Just as I hoped I would feel when I made the resolution in the first place. Now, let the drinking and self-congratulations begin!

 

Top 5 Bands You Should Hear

5) Southern Culture on the Skids

There’s nothing this group can’t do. They’re Rockabilly, White Trash Couture, Appalachian Surf, whatever you want. All three musicians are outstanding – Guitar/Vocals/Front Man – Rick Miller, Bass/Vocals – Mary Huff, Drums – Dave Hartmann. Everything is spot on and will always bring a smile to your face.

 

Southern Culture on the Skids on Last.fm

 

 

4) Ezra Furman & the Harpoons

Cleary this band is getting sick of being referenced as the second coming of the Violent Femmes, but I’ll tell you, if I was getting that kind of press I’d be eating it up with a spoon. And Furman surley cannot escape a certain kinship to Gordon Gano. The voice, the overwrought vocals and lyrics are spectacularly Femmes. Not everybody’s cup of tea I’m sure, but these guys write outstanding music fast, and they know how to present it. Nothing else like it being made these days. Nothing.

 

Ezra Furman & the Harpoons on Last.fm

 

3) Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs

This trio you half expect to find in your own neighborhood playing out of some garage. You hear this racket and are about to go over and yell at ‘em to turn the volume down, when you listen a bit more closely for a couple of seconds and you realize their music is kicking your ass. Then all you can think of is how you can go over there and beg them to let you join their band. At its best this group is raw, unkempt and loud. What more can you ask from Rock ‘n Roll? Karen O knows her way around a simple lyric and always seems to be just on the verge of overreaching – going over the edge. Delightful

 

Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs on Last.fm

 

 

2) Two Gallants

Folk Rock. Folk Punk. You be the judge. At first you think these guys are just flailing around. The drums sound way loose, the vocals gravellly and coarse, the guitar an odd combination of coffehouse folk and Bentonia blues. But then you hear lyrics that make Dylan seem lame and a drum beat that is so wonderfully wide open. Again, these two are taking folk music to a different place. It seems like a new musical era when in their hands.

 

Two Gallants on Last.fm

 

1) Devotchka – If you know me you’ll hear a Devotchka reference just about every time I talk about music. With good reason. This band is the pinnacle of the relatively recent genre of multi-cultural folk rock that includes wonderful bands like Beiruit and Gogol Bordello. The differnce is with Devotchcka you can get Mariachi, followed by French Bistro, followed by gypsy freakout, followed by a unique cover song within the space a few minutes. No better cover out there than their version of Velvet Underground’s Venus in Furs. And the most beautiful love song ever written is their own Queen of the Surface Streets.

 

Devotchka on Last.fm